Helicopter Parenting is an extremely regimented and directed parenting style with the goal of protecting the physical and mental well-being of the child, sometimes even at the risk of stifling the child.
Haven’t we all had our Helicopter Parenting moments? Because somewhere along the way the wires between trying to be a supportive, positive parent and a hovering, helicopter parent got crossed.🤔
Example…Helping your toddler retrieve their toy from another toddler who snatched it away…
Or at the library trying to convince another child to share a book that your son or daughter wants…..
Or even (maybe) having them help out by preparing dinner or cleaning the house had/has never crossed your mind. Knives are sharp and the cleaning fluids are too dangerous!
In 2008, Edward Deci and Richard Ryan published their Self-Determination Theory. According to them, the 3 innate needs that all human beings need for healthy development are:
* Basic need for autonomy
* Basic need to be confident in one’s abilities and accomplishments
* Basic need to feel they are loved and cared for
The closer we are to having these 3 basic needs met the more satisfied we are with our lives.
This was used by researchers to measure the effects of Helicopter Parenting on college students.👇
***They found being too involved or over-parenting in a child’s life undermined these 3 basic needs to different degrees and resulted to a higher degree of depression and anxiety as well as a lower general satisfaction with life!
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*Furthermore, when parents solve problems for their children, they may end up not developing the confidence and competence to solve their own problems…wait for this👇
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Helicopter Parenting can strain the parent-child relationship as children enter their tween and teen years when they begin to crave independence.
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Moreso….toddlers who are given space to explore and interact with their surroundings on their own have a better relationship with their parents. They seek their parents out for play and interaction more often than do the children with helicopter parents!
As parents we instinctively want to protect our children and keep them safe. Sometimes, without quite realizing it, this can lead us to become Helicopter Parents.
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The trick is to recognize when these instincts kick in and to intentionally back off to let our children learn to take care of themselves.
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Because, no matter how much we want to, we really can’t protect them all the time. So we might as well equip them to protect themselves the best they can.
Here are a few things that can help you overcome your ‘Helicopter tendencies’
1. Take stock. What are you doing that they can and should do themselves? Remember they don’t have to be perfect.
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2. Use a realistic, phased approach to stop those things and allow them takeover.
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3. Learn to accept that their work won’t always be perfect. The carrots would not be perfectly cut nor their sandwich as good as yours.
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4. Let them fight their own battles. Allow them space to grow and take responsibilities. Be available but don’t rush to rescue them.
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5. Let them take risks. Freedom with expanding limits, consequences for which they are old enough to bear. Active listening will help here.
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6. Let consequences stand. No matter how sad it makes you. Growth comes at a cost.
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7. Learn to leave the room/place whenever you feel the need to take over and “help”. You also have to let them be.
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8. Journal the journey. It’ll help you keep tabs and may turn out useful for a younger one or to teach others
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Remember…no matter how much we want to, we really cannot protect our children all the time!! **So be available for your child, but let them take steps to come to you.*
CREDIT: Afineparent.com
