Building mutual trust will go a very long way to preventing detachment from our teens if started early .Fighting fires will be reduced to the bearest minimum.
1. Trust earns you the right to be heard
Isn’t “your right” already guaranteed simply because you’re a parent? It should be, but in the real world it isn’t. While perfect parenthood should never be your goal, it’s important to build trust by earning the right to be heard..active listening…
2) Your attention builds trust.
Teens know that love shown by parents says, “Your life is important, daughter/son, and I’m going to give you my time.” Spend time with them, show them you will listen, talk and work things out together. Invade their world … and let them invade yours.
3. Breathing room – trust.
Invading their world should be balanced with plenty of space. Teens need room to grow, to make their own decisions. This is crucial for their development into responsible adults.
4. Watch what you say and how you say it.
The best intentions in the world can backfire if you use the wrong words. Phrases like “You never,” “You always,” “You don’t ever” sound accusing and can cause your teen to become defensive and ultimately to shut down. When you speak, address feelings by using “I.” For example,
saying, “I want” or “I feel” are effective places to begin.
5. Take interest in what your teen has to say.
In my dealing with teens/young adults, “my parents do not
understand me,” is the most general complaint. You can close the gap by taking a genuine interest in your teen and his or her world. Tune into feelings and try to look at events at home or at school from your teen’s point of view, as well as your own. If your teen senses that you don’t really understand or care, he or she will stop listening to you.
6. Learn to listen
One of the biggest complaints from teenagers is that their parents just don’t listen. “My parents don’t understand me.”
“We can’t seem to communicate.” “Things could be better if they’d just give me a chance – and listen!” Listening is the only constructive way to process anger. As you become a better listener, your teen will begin to feel
understood. Your teen will be more inclined to follow your leadership.
7. Control your anger.
Many parents fail to acknowledge the extent of their anger. What’s more, the parents expect their teenager to exhibit a maturity level that he or she has not yet attained.
8. Be flexible.
It’s easy to approach your teens with tunnel vision ‘one way traffic’ – viewing only from your own perspective. Tunnel vision will make you completely unaware of the needs of your teen. And that’s how many family arguments get started –
9. Make “shared meaning” your goal.
The goal of shared meaning is to be heard accurately. Once you’ve had a chance to state your case and listen to your teen’s perspective, the foundation is set for communication – and for a fair solution to what’s bugging you.
